Jan. 7, 2013 - The Beginning

So as I'm laying here on the sofa with my knee in a brace, I've come to realize my very first yoga lesson. Before I get into that let me introduce myself. My name is Jennifer. I currently reside in the great state of Texas and I'm a mother of two. To sum myself up in the quickest way I know how is by telling everyone, I'm just like you. I'm a little wild, passionate, funny, cheerful, caring, and yes sometimes even quirky. I tend to make friends easily. But don't let that fool you! I stress out, flip-out, and can hit bitch mode just as fast as the next girl.
Yeah, Yeah.. I know what you're thinking.... what can this possibly have to do with yoga.... I'm getting there, but first we need to do a flashback...
The year was 2008. I was a newly married woman and professional dancer whom weighed in at a whole 104 lbs soaking wet. Not to toot my own horn, but I was HOT with the body most people would kill for. Only thing was I just found out I was PREGANT. Now don't get me wrong, I was thrilled to be a new mommy but secretly I loathed the changes my body would undergo.
Fast forward 9 months, one healthy baby boy later and BAM, say hello to stretch marks, saggy skin, and extra 70 lbs gained. I was a hotMESS! While most women jump at the chance to hit the gym, I felt depressed. I couldn't even bring myself to put on workout shorts for the fear someone would see these battle wounds. So I let myself go...
Fast forward to Nov. 2012, in the mist of my 3 year long pity party, I was wrist deep in a bag of popcorn cruising Netflix when I stumbled across a movie called "Ashtanga NY". Talk about the cruel irony of the situation. My fat @ss laying around on the sofa watching people do yoga on the TV. It wasn't even the fact of weight loss that drew my attention, it was the love the students had for Guruji. If you don't know who Guruji is, his name is Sri K. Pattabhi Jois. I could spend hours talking with you about Guruji, but I will just simply sum it up by saying he is an Ashtanga Yoga Master. Watching that movie "Ashtanga NY" truly saved my life. I felt this huge sense of purpose and a calling so deep, that all the words in the dictionary couldn't properly describe the feeling. So like the super geek I am, I bought countless books about Ashtanga, yoga (physical practice), yoga philosophy, and the Hindu faith. I read each night until my eyes watered. Finally I made up my mind. Ashtanga was for me! I choose my path. I knew it was what I wanted. So I went out and researched Ashtanga teachers. I grew exceptionally sad to learn Guruji had passed away. But I did find Kino MacGregor. So I did what any self conscious woman would do, I bought her DVD and a yoga mat. Yay for not having to deal with a yoga studio and those skinny girls.
 With that all said, lets fast forward one last time to New Years day 2013. My first day of physical practice! I was pumped. Excited to take all that I learned from my readings and put them in motion. With the DVD playing and Kino chanting the opening Mantra, all I could do was smile. This was it, yoga here I come! As the Mantra ends and I began my very first Surya Namaskara A. As the Asana begins, Samasthiti, not so bad I thought to myself, I can do this! With commands of puraka (inhaling) and rechaka (exhaling) are commanded, the thought of the vinyasa was easy before this, match breath to movement. Easy in theory but pranayama and ujjayi isn't as easy as one would think. I was panting like a dog on a hot summer day. Utanasana, not to bad I thought, I can almost touch my toes. By the time the flow hit chaturanga dandasana, my mind is going "you wimp, it's a push up, you can't even do a push up!". I kept going despite my nagging mindset. Up dog then Downward Dog. I kept pushing even though my downward dog looked like a screwed up Plank. Finally Kino says "Samasthiti" and I'm like "Thank God that's over" but then she cheerfully says "And we begin again". By this point I'm thinking "WTF did I get myself into!" After the completion of 5 Surya Namaskara A and B. We began the standing asanas. My mind rested and I followed along like a good student. We get to Arda Baddha Padmottanasana, I wanted to follow suit, so I tried to bend my right leg into half lotus before folding forward. When I heard a POP followed by intense knee pain. In tears I fall to the floor and whimper in pain. Once my eyes dried, I managed to turn off the DVD and sat in silence for what felt like eternity. I was so terribly mad at myself. How could I think I could handle this!!!! I spent the next two days watery eyed hobbling around the house. Which leads us to the present moment... Drinking a cup of tea, I went to place my cup down on the coffee table, only to see my copy of "Yoga Mala" and Guruji's face staring up at me. Then the thought of what would Guruji say crossed my mind. I can imagine it would be somewhere along the lines of "What is meant to happen, will. Practice, practice, practice." ...... With a brace on my knee, tea in my hand, Guruji on my mind. I can only smile and embrace this lesson. Do not push yourself to do things you are not ready to do, it will all come in time. While some might see this as the end of my story, it is just the very start. I look forward to sharing my Yoga Journey on how one wimpy Mom can become a Yogi. Oh and I look forward to watching the "beginners options" on my DVD before I attempt my next session on the mat.